Midnight Musings
by Dr Megalomania
Summary: When someone leaves, you regret, you get angry, you get depressed ... then you get a tape recorder, and record your thoughts ... or at least that's what Sam Carter does, when she realises there was something she needed to say ... SxD


Greetings, and welcome to my wacky little world!!

So, yeah, like I don't own any of the characters that will be gracing this story . . . but at the next auction I hope to buy Chevron Guy!! 

Warnings: Severe Out of Character-ness, little or no following of the time line . . . [grin] what can I say? I'm a TREKKIE!!

Dedication: My dearest Cucumber Faye the Paranoid One, you asked for a Sam/Daniel fic where one of them, or both of them went to Jacob for help . . . you said NOTHING about one of them being not dead . . . [grins and raises eyebrows] besides, Jack is God, and Sam worships regularly on her hands and . . . [chuckles] it's 2.49am . . . DrM's mind goes down the gutter, and out to sea when it's early and she hasn't had enough of a Gundam Wing Yaoi fix . . .

"Speaking"

//Thinking//

*Emphasis/stressing/Sorta Speaking-thinking *

_~Flashback/Play back/other world~_

--Tape motion -- 

[Sound Sam makes]

++Midnight Musings++

Challenge fic by Doctor Megalomania

Dedicated to theparanoidone [go read her fic, and make her write more damn it.]

--Tape Begins--

"Dear dad.

Hey, you said if I ever wanted to talk . . . 

Well.

Uh.

Yeah. 

I decided to record this, so it would be a little easier for me to get my thoughts down. You know me, dad, Jack always says that my mind works faster than my hands. . . I can never type fast enough, and I can forget about writing a letter. 

[sigh]

It's been a week since Daniel . . . since he . . . dad, he's gone and I . . . dad, he gone. He left us and he's ascended. I don't even want to begin to imagine what happened, I don't want to go over it again. Dad, I . . . Daniel was a good friend, you know that. . . don't you? I mean he was a bit of a dork, with his glasses and his floppy hair, and that lost look he always seemed to have at first . . . but after a while I kinda got used to it, and besides he cut his hair . . . thank god, I think Jack was getting a little annoyed with constantly having to pull Daniel back from my Bunsen burners, sheesh, the guy had a death wish I swear. . . anyway, he cut his hair and he got sorta, into a stride you know? 

He got into his thing. Became all confident, and knew what to do after a while. Never lost that lost look though, but I don't think I blame him, I don't think I've lost mine . . . the worlds we travel to these days, they're incredible. 

Talent for going off the subject, blame Daniel, he always rambles . . . ramble-rambled. Shit. Sorry dad."

--Tape Ends--

**

--Tape Begins—

"I got some water, cleaned my face. Calmed down. I'm a scientist, I'm a soldier. I swear dad, no matter how many times I tell myself that . . . sorry for the cuss, but I don't want to believe he's gone. Maybe he's floating around in the whatever, thinking 'hell, I wanna go back, this is boring, I wanna see Teal'c and Jack . . . and Sam . . .'

Would he wonder about me, dad?

I . . . I tried to tell him, when he was dying, I tried . . . but some how the words, kinda, stuck in my throat. Didn't help that Jack was there too. Jack's been a rock, dad, I know you two've never got on, but he's been like the mountain to me. He's got his tough man act going, but sometime when it's late, I know I can just go knocking on his door, or I'll hear him shuffling outside my door, and we'll sit together and remember the good times. Hell, sometimes Teal'c will join us. . .

Anyway, I'm really recording this because I wanted to tell . . . someone that I tried. I tried honestly, but it wasn't the . . .

Fuck.

It was the perfect time. The man was fucking dying.

SHIT!"

--Tape Ends--

**

--Tape Begins--

"One week, three days.

Yeah, I haven't turned this on for the last three days . . . I'm mad dad, I'm really angry at myself. It was the perfect time, and I slipped up. Sometimes you can never tell your loved ones . . . bull. I could have told him dad, then at least he would have known . . . right? Then he could have gone to whatever, and known that I, Samantha Carter, lo . . . love . . .what wrong with me? He's gone, he's not coming back, it's not like it's going to change anything if I say it, god damn it. I loved him, daddy!

I loved him and now he's dead, and I miss him!

Dad . . . what . . . what do I do? I don't know . . . was it ever like this with mom? I mean . . . I . . .

. . . I don't know what I mean. All I know is that I'm really angry at myself . . . at Daniel for being an idiot and saving those people . . . at that idiot Jonas for not doing it himself . . . at Jack for . . . whatever . . . at the god damn Stargate for taking us there . . . hell, I can't even look at Chevron Guy without finding a way to be mad at him too. 

Dad, it's my fault . . . if I was smarter, maybe faster . . . I could have found a way . . .

Maybe?

Daddy, I don't wanna miss him. 

I don't wanna be . . . don'wanna . . . be . . . dad, I'm . . ."

--Tape Ends--

**

--Tape Begins--  
  
  


"Sorry, dad . . . 

I fell asleep. [yawns] It's kinda early, got a mission briefing, and then Hammond's sending us out again. He wants us back in gear, and I don't blame him . . . the only way to go forward, is by going forward. Can't just sit here in the middle of the road of life, and refuse to get us, until a taxi brings Daniel back.

Hmm . . . denial, depression, anger . . . and now acceptance . . . I'm sure, I've missed a few steps. Bargaining's one . . . what else . . . fear . . . you know, I think that time when we thought Daniel was killed was a test run, and I'm just avoiding the feelings that are useless. 

I still feel a little mad, but I guess that's all right. 

I guess, it's better to know that Daniel's . . . soul? Personality? Being? is somewhere above us, or all around us, you know, ascended and stuff. It's nice to know that he's not completely dead. Not that he can come back . . . but just that, he's just around.

I don't feel so stupid talking . . . 

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

Thanks dad. I love you."

--Tape Ends—

**

_Silence.  _

_The darkness surrounds him whether he has his eyes open or not._

_Calm._

_The existence around his body keeps him floating, a sensation he's only experience in the gate._

*Jackson, Daniel?*

*Hmm . . .*_ he hums his answer, his eyes closed. Mother Earth smiles, he can see/feel it. _

*Someone is talking to you . . . listen.*

*Talking to me?*_ He rolls over, up and down, left and right really having no meaning anymore._

*Yes. Listen now.*

_He focuses on the quiet voice and smiles, she is tentative, and he finds himself wishing he could answer back._

+ Hi Daniel. 

 How are you? Are you feeling okay? Heh, twenty questions time. Anyway, I thought since dad gets a recorded message, so do you . . . although I don't know where to send the tape so. . . I'll just talk to the air and hope that you hear me. . . okay?

Okay, so it's been a few days since you . . . I don't know what you did . . . did your light thingy as Jack put it. Everyone misses you . . . I mean, at least all the main staff do . . . all those newbies don't get how important you are to all of us. . . 

I wanna tell you something . . . I didn't get a chance before, well I did, but I didn't take it. 

Dad suggested . . . well, I got the idea from him, he didn't actually suggest anything . . . anyway, the idea is I'm talking to you, in this sorta letter thing, and I'm going to tell you what I tried to tell you before.

Daniel.

I . . . like. . . I mean I love you.

Really. 

And I wish I had told you ages ago so I could hear your answer . . .

A sign would be nice.

Preferably where Jack couldn't see it . . . so no spelling it out in the man's fruit loops. I'm serious Daniel Jackson, you might be dead, and buried with full honours, but I still out rank your ass. You tell him, I'll come and kill you all over again. 

Speaking of Jack . . . here he comes with his size ten army boots clomping down the corridor.

Remember!

A sign would be nice, but no fruit loops. Okay?

Okay, I knew I could trust you . . .

Have fun wherever it is you are . . . and come to visit sometime . . . I'm sure you'd scare the shirt off of Jack!

Love you . . . Sam.

Hey, it gets easier the more you say it . . . like photosynthesis . . . hmmm . . . 

Heh, I'm going for good now, Daniel. . . before Jack can hear me, bye, bye.+

_He smiles. _

_He knew it . . . he knew she meant more when he was dying . . .  _

_Smiling more, he sends the sign she wants._

~*=/\=*~

_"Thanks dad. I love you."_

Jacob looked up from his desk, out the open window. A light warm breeze brushed his cheek as he listened to his rambling daughter. His companion murmured about her mental state, but he chose to ignore it. 

He raised an eyebrow as a small slip of paper blew through his window with unnatural precision, and landed neatly on his desk. Landing squarely by a picture of Sam. Tilting his head, he read it, and smiled. He would make arrangements to deliver it to her as soon as possible. He glanced at her picture, and shook his head. //kids today . . .// he glanced up and winked, // they always find a way//

He stared at the sheet and frowned at the second line, //but do they ever make sense . . .?//

_= Love you too . . . _

_See? No fruit loops. =_

-------------------

And Now It's Time to LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!

Sam: Well, that was interesting. 

Daniel: Yeah, that was intriguing.

Teal'c: Most certainly of a nature akin to—[DrM writing in some family angst that Teal'c has to urgently tend to]

DrM: [yawning] I wanna go to sleep . . . [growls darkly] Stop bugging my muse!

Jack: [continuing where Teal'c left off] Shite . . . unholy pile of shite . . . [growls and points at passage] What's this about me crying?! For crying out loud, I never cry I ain't a crying man . . . [squints and glances over at semi-solid hovering Daniel] and Daniel?

Daniel: [floats over] Yeah?

[Jack socks him one]

Jack: [yells] Lay off Sam, she's mine!

Daniel: [gets up and holds up fist] No!! She's mine!

Teal'c: [the two stop to look at him] O'Neill, Jackson . . . [picks up Sam in a fireman's hold] You are both wrong. She is mine.

DrM: [still yawning] oh . . . my . . . god . . . this is officially the worst A/N's I've ever wrote . . . 

Wing: You're telling me . . . I thought the Gundam ones were bad but this . . . [shakes head] Get to bed woman, sleep . . . you've gotta get up at 8am tomorrow! [Hurries DrM off the computer, and clicks print so a copy can go to Fayefaye] sheesh . . . she even forgot to ask you to R&R! [Sigh] please R&R, make the poor girl happy! 


End file.
